In the New Year…..

It’s another new year.  They say time goes faster and faster the older you get and it’s true.  I’m pretty sure that 2011 blinked and was gone, just like that.

I could tell you all the things I’ve learned in 2011 or experienced, but I think this year I’d rather write about what I want to do in the New Year.

Now, I’m not really a big resolution person.  This is because I feel that making a definite resolution for something puts pressure on me to do it perfectly all the time. Which isn’t going to happen.  Realistically, I’m going to fail at the resolution. Also, I’ve never been a big goal-orientated person either.   I’ve never been good at being determined that I was going to do something or get something or accomplish something by a certain time.  I’m not good at looking far into the future and knowing exactly what I want.

However, there are some things I would simply like to get better at in 2012. And most, if not all these things are desires born out of some of the things that 2011 has taught me in some way.   By God’s grace, I hope to improve on these things, even if it’s a continuously slow and imperfect process.  (Which it definitely will be. )

I probably won’t be able to express everything as well as I’d like too.  But I’m going to try.

 

1. I want love on people better –Really? Yeah….this is a big thing I’ve been thinking about lately.  It is struggle to know how to communicate well with the people you love, even though you love them.  Humans really suck at communicating. But you don’t find a way to express that love, how will people see it? I feel like in the last few months of 2011 I’ve been really struggling with this.  I’ve also been thinking a lot about all the people I used to be good friends with and now have lost touch with.  That saddens me. Why does it feel so overwhelming to give as much as I should give to each person in my life? Why do I so easily allow the business of life to get in the way of people? People are the most important things on this planet, thus, I should give them the most attention.  Nothing else is comparable to a human being.  Therefore, I should be spending most of my time investing in these humans.  Nothing else is that important.  Not my job, (even though that IS important), not money, not stuff, not house-cleaning etc…. Nothing else. And yet, I’m looking at my relationships, and my role in them, and I’m seeing failure everywhere.  I see failure in all the friendships I have lost touch with.  I see failure on my part in the relationships I do, falteringly try to invest in.   I find myself getting more easily annoyed by things that shouldn’t annoy me.  Small things get to me more than they should.  So, where is this unconditional love that I believe in so strongly? Somehow, I feel like it used to be so much easier for me to invest in people.  I used to be so much better at it.  I want to find that again.  I know that I have to take care of myself too, in order to be good at my relationships, so that I don’t fall apart or push myself to hard.  And sometimes, that means, I need to be alone. But I feel that I’ve gotten worse, not better at these relationships.  And I want to get better.  I want to spend time investing in real people.  I want to pick up again, some of those relationships that I lost, not because anything bad happened, but just because we both got too “busy.”   What that looks like? I’m not sure….I think it will be different with each person.  And it will be challenging for me.  I’m a very anti-social person.  I’m realizing this more and more. I prefer small groups of people and good friends over large crowds and loud parties.  I get easily overwhelmed by a lot of people.  It’s kind of like something in me shuts down when I’m that overwhelmed and I can’t talk.  Even with good friends, sometimes, it’s hard for me to simply be social.  But if I can get better at that with the good friends I do have, and maybe catch up again with some of the good friends I used to have; and if I can find a way to simply be okay with myself around new people (and not so utterly petrified), it would be an improvement.  Above all, I want to be known as someone who loves unconditionally.  It won’t be a perfect love, but if by God’s grace I can do better than I have been doing, then it will mean something.
2. Being a God-person:  Basically, I need to spend more time with God.  Actually, this probably should have been first, as it directly correlates to the above.  For, if I don’t have a good relationship with God, how can I have good relationships with the people he created?   If I love him, I spend time with him right?  This is something that will require a large amount of “just doing it” and getting over any excuses I might come up with. I think, and firmly believe, that my life would be much more grounded, if I could find improvement in this area.  Again, grace will be needed, because it’s unfortunately the easiest thing in the world to brush this off.  I think it’s probably something that always needs improvement.  I just pray, I don’t give up on striving for that improvement.
3. Living a more simplistic life-style:  I don’t know if this needs too much explanation.  Basically, I would like to get better and better at things like, not having too much stuff, keeping only what is important to me or needed, not spending much money on unnecessary things, spending money only on what is needed or for doing things with real people, and always finding and maintaining ways of keeping my life clutter-free, so I can spend time on the more important things.
4. Taking care of my temple –This also is a constant process.  I’m not a big exercise person.  (Most of it just sounds utterly boring to me. Lol.)  Nor, do I really believe in rigid diets.  (Complete elimination of some things would not be helpful to me.)  But, like I said, there is always room for improvement in this area.  And I think it can be simple, and doesn’t have to be as complicated as we sometimes make it.  So, if I can just get myself into the habit of walking as much as possible every week, and doing it outside as much as possible, it would be helpful.  I’m learning to eat better, though not perfectly.  But I’ve gotten sick of junk food, and I crave home-cooked, real food more than ever before.  It would also be something as simple as just taking smaller portions of things, and forgoing the second or third helpings.   Also, sleeping better.  I’ve already been working on this, and it’s still not perfected (nor, will it ever be I think), but it’s getting better.  I’ve also been inadvertently rubbed off on by people around me who passionate about this kind of stuff. (Yes, that’s you Melissa Coombs.   I’ve started reading ingredients, and looking for things that have less junk in them.  It’s hard, because I don’t always have the time or the energy (after an 8 hour day of work, I do not feel like cooking, lol.)  However, if I can just keep gently, plugging at the things I’ve already started, I know I could feel a lot better about my body.  The other aspect of it, is, that I’ve noticed how certain things affect me mentally.  I’ve been beginning to really make the connection between how I feel physically and how that affects how I feel mentally.  Being someone who has a tendency to struggle with things in the mental world, this is definitely important.  The other part of it is also making sure I’m looking at this whole thing properly. God gave me my body and all its lovely little imperfections.  It is a temple, a gift, something that belongs to him.  Like the rest of creation, I am a steward of it.  Therefore, as steward, I should take care of this body to best of my ability.  With God’s help, I will, and with his help, I’ll continue to get better at this stewardship.
5. Living in the real world –This is a big deal to me.  We live in a digital era, and while technology is a beautiful and wondrous thing, sometimes it worries me that the more digital we go, the less we live in the real world.  The digital world can never, ever replace the real world. So, I want to constantly keep that in my mind.  I want to constantly keep technology in its proper place, as nothing more than tool, in light of what is real, of what I can smell, and taste and touch.  So, things like writing by hand…or using cash….or talking to real people instead of FB, or reading a real book instead of a Kindle.  This is something I’ve gotten incredibly passionate about, and it’s something I want to continue to fight for, and to get better at in my own life.  No matter how good or amazing our technology gets, it will never replace creation from nothing.

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